I've been reading a lot about narcissism lately, and I think we all need to get educated on the seriousness of abuse and its impact. The problem I have seen in a lot of Americans is simple: as long as it isn't impacting their life, they simply do not care what harm is done to other people by a leader. This is how even family members can dismiss my experiences with MAGA and plant the blame on me, or even get offended that I had a threat and said so.
The lack of care is a narcissism in itself.
This craven apathy exists as an inability to see people as human, preferring to demonize them. It leads to caring more for image than for real lives. It denies reality at the expense of relationship, and it holds onto the lie to quiet its guilty conscience.
If I do hate MAGA, it is based on my consistent experience of being mocked by people who haven't done the time to study where and what I did, or live how and where I have, or who don't compare sources and stay abreast of issues as I do.
I do not hate lightly.
Plus, I never intended to hate, ever, but the hate they have spread since 2015 puts MAGA adherents almost in the same category for me as the Nazis: dropping an American flag to raise a Trump flag indicated my gut was right about Trump in 2015. The level of persecution MAGA are willing to betray even family members with, all the abuse dynamics involved, is horrific. It's always a slap in the face to find out that these people prefer their team to their own relatives, if their relatives' experiences do not fit neatly into a little MAGA cultural box and they choose to talk openly about it.
MAGA don't want honesty; they want conformity, and no, that is not freedom.
As soon as you ask MAGA-adherents and adjacents why they don't rebuke the violent folks in their group, they close ranks with those folks by saying such nonsense as how dare you say MAGA are violent, or whatabout the protesters on campuses or BLM or rioting or whatever, as if I've ever said any violence anywhere was ever ok.
Instead of dealing with the murderous abusers among them, MAGA is proud of January 6th, proud of the threats, proud of the bullying, proud of the hate, proud of the stubborn refusal to understand an immigrant's hardships...They are proud.
And how dare you offend them by saying that this is an issue of right and wrong, and when MAGA are now known for doxxing, swatting and threats, not to mention for justifying them because others do it, they are clearly in the wrong. How dare you offend them by saying that logically, if they side with the group over the individual who was harmed by it, any individual would be very unwise to trust you with their life, so our relationship is over.
We can't just be civil, because we are dealing with abusers who are deeply invested in perpetuating a lie, even at the expense of the safety of people in their own families. We can't just talk about all of this civilly with people who are not prepared to listen. They don't want civility; they want US to be silent and lie like them.
It is then an irony that the same folks who wanted a civil war get really upset if you shut down conversation or relationship with them if they are uncivil towards you, even going so far as to call such dignity, RUDE. Or maybe not an irony: it is abuse, plain and simple.
Love trumps narcissistic abuse.
I don't expect everyone to see things the way I do, but I can certainly tell you who has been loving towards me, even when we disagree politically, and who has been manipulative and abusive instead. The idea of Joe Biden retruthing death threats is laughable, whereas, Trump rages and threatens revenge and MAGA throw violent threats out like candy for that unrepentant rapist mobster, plus they call themselves pro LIFE. And where is Trump in all this? MAGA want a leader who can't or won't call off his own dogs? WEAK. They can give it, but they can't take it. Because that's where MAGA are: they love the bully, and they won't apologize. Just like their leader, but we have to be civil with them and debate that?
NO.
Violent threats are always wrong, and if you can't do the basics and condemn them, if you are prepared to either incite or benefit from violence, no one owes you civility, only rebuke.
It's a grace, when people can get along and treat each other as people, even when one party was part of a group that did harm, but it's not for the victims to have to be civil with their abusers. The abuse destroyed our unity, and it must be dealt with firmly. And anyway, aren't good people called to more than just civility? Christians are even told to do the impossible: to love enemies!
Free people will always be accused of being uncivil, if we love our MAGA neighbors enough to be honest with them. Accusation is an inevitable and consistent abusive MAGA behavior. That's how this goes, because love isn't a liar, but MAGA is devoted to a liar. No matter how they smear US, we are still free to speak plainly, love one another and face facts honestly: it doesn't matter how we are painted - as uncivil - by the abusers, for telling the truth.
This is where we are, folks. Just tell the truth. Once their stupid "cold" civil war is over, maybe then we can all just be civil again. Or maybe we need more depth than that.
Maybe there is no going back to again, if we are going to grow up to a genuine love of country.
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