"Baby killer."
"I fear for you, because God disciplines those He loves."
"You have dishonored God."
"Why won't you forgive?"
"God knows my heart."
"Are you even a Christian?"
These comments, or variations on them, are all too familiar to those of us Christians who left evangelicalism in 2016 over Trumpism invading our church communities. Having blogged for some time about abuse in the church, having been a missionary kid raised in the evangelical world, having been through hurtful situations in most of the evangelical churches I spent time in both in the UK and the US, I am well aware that Christians in that community are fine with using their words to do harm or maintain control over people. Spiritual abuse is a feature, not a bug of evangelicalism, as it stands today.
Let me repeat that: spiritual abuse is a feature, a hallmark, a reality within evangelicalism today.
That is not to say that there are no good churches within the evangelical movement. That is not to say there are not multitudes of men and women within the evangelical community who love and serve God both inside and out of the church walls. That is to say that the belief systems within evangelicalism have promoted and accepted a rampant authoritarianism and a deplorable cheap grace, and this does not permit people to rest in the wonderful and free love of a holy God. Within evangelicalism, the abusers are in charge, and the humble must fall in line.
Perhaps that sounds far too harsh to evangelicals reading this. Certainly I would not have put it this way about five years ago. However, coming out of a movement gives time to reflect and review behaviors and patterns, and I think the critique is just. The comments above are not just from random strangers on the Internet and paid trolls. These sorts of things were said to me as an evangelical, whenever I stood up to abuse, by people close to me.
Standing up to abuse seemed to be far more of an unpardonable sin in evangelicalism than abuse itself. And God forbid you swear about abuse openly. Swearing about child sex abuse or racism, let alone being gay, is always far more upsetting to evangelicals than the cruelty of abuse suffered by others at the altar of evangelical piety and sexual purity. There is much to say on this, but let's start with some definitions.
First of all, what is spiritual abuse? In certain circles, that term has been defined and redefined ad nauseam; for the uninitiated, I can highly recommend "The Subtle Power Of Spiritual Abuse." That book gives very helpful explanations of an abuse which is particularly hard to pin down. It could be described as narcissistic abuse or emotional abuse, and there are very similar results. However, spiritual abuse, as I understand it and have observed or experienced it, involves Christians using an appeal to God's authority to impose their own will on others. It is truly the grossest form of manipulation there can be in this world, and it is deeply damaging to those humble souls who truly believe God loves them.
In spiritual abuse, God is turned into a changeable, un-pleasable, and unappeasable king, almost always masculine in the evangelical world.
The comments I noted above fit into that worldview, because it is a graceless and judgmental condition, where you cannot please God unless you please the leader, the parent, the husband, the male figure, the grandparent, the church elder(s), etc. Of course, God is not particularly important in the equation, if at all present, but that doesn't stop the evangelical system from abusing God in this way.
Secondly, spiritual abuse contributes to narcissism in those who find it easy to keep all the rules. People who have not suffered much and who have certain privileges, are likely going to be stellar examples of the rules that are imposed upon the community by the whims of the masculine leader and hierarchical set-up. And if they can't keep up the image, they can always fake it until they make it again. Plus, if anyone finds out they are frauds, they can quite easily turn the community against the truth-teller, because who can truly live up to man-made rules at all hours of the day? Add a little less privilege or popularity and those on the fringes, for whatever reason, know the risks involved in truth-telling.
Thus, mistake-making and creativity are stifled and forbidden, and we found ourselves, as evangelicals growing up in the purity movement, constantly second-guessing our motives for everything, rendering us trembling little masses of second-rate compliancy.
The impact of spiritual abuse is unbelievably painful: you could follow the rules all your life, hold the correct opinions, and really believe that unrepentant sin is serious, and then Donald Trump could be promoted by evangelicals as a Christian. And because of the systems described that are in place, guess who found it untenable in evangelicalism when they spoke out against unrepentant and blatant, ongoing public abuse? Spoiler: not Donald Trump.
I say all this to tie together the important impact of the spiritual abuses I've received over the years and how they played out in evangelicalism. It isn't abusive to disagree with people or be disagreed with, but it is abusive to smear people's motivations and reputations when they speak up in good faith. No one says anything perfectly, even when trying to do good, but they will pick you apart even for the right things you say, twisting them to mean something wrong, or perceived as wrong in their in-groups. Evangelicals who supported Trump did so in bad faith, resigned to his obvious sins and potential criminality. It was easier to frame those of us who left or broke up with our evangelical friends and family over him, as bitter, then to acknowledge they had raised us to value righteousness and truth and failed us when they wanted power.
So what do I mean by spiritual abuse being mainstreamed?
In 2016, spiritual abuse no longer stayed in the pews. It followed us to our online activity. Persons purporting to be Christian mocked and harassed Americans who spoke out about Trump's abuses online. They told us we "weren't pro-life" if we didn't support him, and Christians in our churches used whataboutisms to excuse their support for an abusive fool with tyrannical leanings.
You see, prior to Trump taking power, the battle online against spiritual abuse was reserved for Christian bubbles; now, Christian talk was abused all over the Internet to promote the most unsavory of characters, yes, even worse in character than Hillary. (To our common knowledge, Hillary Clinton has never sexually assaulted multiple women then mocked them as ugly for speaking out.)
I think I lost about 200 Internet friends over Trump. It is still a shock when someone I thought I knew defends him, but it's always far worse when it's someone I thought loved Jesus.
I frame this as the mainstreaming of spiritual abuse, because we have Christians right now who are cheering on a violent president. Guess who is getting hurt? Emotionally and physically speaking, it's often even fellow Christians standing in the gap and promoting peace who are having their lives turned upside down because Trump wants protest and speech suppressed. And we still have 60-81% of evangelicals who don't care what Trump tweets because he's allegedly "pro-life." I have thoughts on that, particularly during COVID19, but I suppose I'll allow British understatement to make my point for me.
Personally, I don't believe your politics matter in the kingdom of God, as long as you are subject to God's holy Way of love. You can have a variety of ways of interpreting the world and how things work and still be a Christian. Your culture impacts you, for better or for worse. But it is spiritually abusive to suggest Christians should not talk about abuse or evil because that's "being political." It's also spiritually oppressive to suggest that Christians must be "pro-life" in the political sense. What is true is that Christians should have a deep regard for all human life as precious, created in the image of God.
As a few of the comments at the start of this section reveal, respect for fellow human beings as precious children of a loving God is not what is at the heart of the controlling people we know as evangelicals. Their authoritarianism has taken them to a place where they do not understand that obedience to God trumps conformity to their politically pro-life community. They've taken out their fear on their fellow Christians, and by seeking control over, they've disrespected their fellow human beings who believe differently from them, and it's all just so heartbreaking.
Try being a woman in their communities. It’s hard. The racism, misogyny, narcissism, bullying and trolling we see, is arguably at least partially a result of evangelical sin being mainstreamed into society.
It's the power and control that makes it abuse, and that is what we are seeing in politicized "right" and "wrong" among conservative Christians, today. they have mainstreamed something that used to be mostly limited to their pews, where people chose to go, where Christians subjected themselves to the rules of the community by a level of free choice. In 2016, that abuse began spilling over onto all Americans who oppose Trump.
In 2016, spiritual abuse was mainstreamed by evangelicals in America.
God help US all.
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