top of page
Writer's pictureMelody Kay Young

Ask the right questions: How can we grieve this?




Yesterday I asked us to pause and think about the lies that led US here from the position of where is "here" now. Please take a moment to consider the federal attacks on constitutional freedoms in Portland, Oregon, United States of America, over the past two months.





In this book, I am not going to write about every single lie that got US where we are now in America. This is because I think my readers can do their own research and think for themselves. I've posed a few questions and raised the issues I see as most pertinent to where we are now, and I believe we need to sort through this as a community. We no longer need to accept one person'a opinion without the context of a diversity of experiences. We also do not need to dignify those who think it's unfair their racist, sexist, homophobic, callous or cruel commentaries are not welcome among a majority of Americans. We no longer need to "balance" debate by platforming bigotry.


But above all, right here and now, we grieve. We've been through hell, narcissistic abuse.

We've also lost people to this abusive cult, and we've had people we love turn on US. We are losing lives every day to COVID19, to the point that we aren't permitted to travel overseas, because almost no country will admit American passport-holders. We are being kicked when we are down by Christians who are so upset they can't be physically present with their friends, they'd rather spread conspiracy theories about COVID19 numbers being falsified and public servants having secret agendas and government seeking to suppress religious freedom, than sit for a while and just grieve. We are being abused by these people who want to guilt and shame us for caring for our neighbors enough to wear a mask and keep our kids home, while they refuse to love anyone other than their poor selfish little selves. We are enduring all these unnecessary and repulsive evils, while we know our fellow citizens, and neighbors worldwide, are grieving the untimely loss of loved ones.


I can't tell anyone how to grieve or what stages it will take for each one of us. It's a very personal process and I do not accept the idea there is always healing in this life. We can't rush the process nor shame those who can't pull themselves together right now. What we need is humble tenderheartedness, a pause from everything to mourn, but most of the evangelicals I occasionally see online would still much rather argue about trivia, even now.


So for many of us, we are grieving a loss of community, not just a loss of freedom or safety or love. We are having to find alternative ways to stay in touch with an increasingly smaller field of safe people, these days. We grieve this, and we humbly accept it as a deep grief to our God, as well.


My biggest comfort in grief is the presence of the Lord. I must add, however, that God's love does not erase the pain. And the lack of concern from such. substantial proportion of Christians does absolutely add to our suffering as a nation. The Church has failed US.

So how can we grieve this? How do we address the evils that have brought US so low?


In attempting to answer that question, let me share a personal experience of why this time of grief is so painful. I was told by a loved one who sacrificed me for Trump, that my behavior (of separating from those who support him, for my own mental health and safety, as well as per the advice of Scripture on dealing with folks in serious sin) was sinful, and that they fear for me, because God disciplines those He loves. This is the kind of spiritual abuse many of us former evangelicals have walked away from, and it is absolutely unacceptable. It is blatantly suggesting we deserve punishment, because we have ethical/Bible-based standards. It is an appeal to authority that is not the Christian's to wield. It is actually akin to the whole "lock her up" mentality: "you cross me, you deserve punishment"- even if the person has not in fact committed an objectively defined crime. It makes perfect sense that that kind of reaction is the response of the authoritarian who minimizes trump support or even calls it godly.


But for argument's sake, and in the interests of fairness, let's take that logic further.


We are in the midst of a global pandemic, and the United States is the worst hit. This is despite the fact we have an allegedly evangelical president and pro-life judges. The powers in charge are the evangelicals' "good guys," and they appear to be winning. So why did God send a pandemic? Why did God allow it to impact the United States so severely that American are not even allowed to travel overseas anymore (basically)? Why are we suffering such a major blow to our economy? Why are we one of the leading nations in terms of death toll? Is "God disciplining those He loves?" If so, why might that be? Trump? Evangelical adultery and unequal yoke-age with a con man?


I mean, seriously.


For what it's worth, actions have consequences, and God is not punishing US. We have terrible leadership, they gutted the CDC, and that's why we are where we are. We also have an atrocious health system, and when people lose their jobs, they lose their healthcare in this country, something that is unheard of in most developed countries. So, no, that logic does not fly, even if I wanted it to be true. I'm not getting into the lie of prosperity gospel teaching, but that is something that has truly destroyed US. This "logic" is spiritual abuse.


God does not punish God's children, because Jesus bore our punishment on the cross. God also does not kick us when we are already down, and God is not going to harm us for acting by faith, even if we make an error of judgement. God remembers we are dust. God is love. God does not break bruised reeds. This is our God.


But I mention all this, because I am not the only American who has had this abusive accusation from a fellow Christian, since Trump. The logic needs to be flagged, rebuked and rejected, and the lie needs to be exposed.


But most of all, we need to take the time to grieve that folks we loved thought it was fine to accuse us this way.

My deepest grief has been this experience of spiritual abuse as a mainstream activity, whether in twitter feeds or Facebook pages. I'm sure we all feel grief at different levels and about a variety of issues, because of this period in our history. We might not be able to unpack all of it at once. We need to be free to sit with it, and that freedom has been denied US by a president and his Trumpists who continue to pile on US abuse, to the point we begin to become as numb and even callous, as they are. And that is the intent.


We have the freedom, however, to walk away from abuse. To quietly, calmly, and without giving ground to accusations or lies, reject this evil as the evil it is. We are free to "sit alone in silence, because the Lord has laid it on [US]."


I believe that is our calling today, in this period in time, which may make this book irrelevant in ten or twenty years. But maybe it's not, because this calling, to sit with the abuses of the past, the pain of the present, and the fear of the future, is an important spiritual discipline which should be undertaken regularly, as we repent and become more like our Lord.


So how can we grieve this mess? This place we have arrived now, this place we do not want to be? This callous, cruel environment, this horrific racist narcissistic troll in the White House, and his adherent followers? The betrayal of US by so many Christians who support him, despite his weekly, even daily, abuses?


It starts with US. It starts with US looking within, where we have been part of the problem. But even before that, it starts by acknowledging that God is God, even here. God is not mocked by this mobster troll, nor his pathetic minion trolls. It starts by being still.


I cannot tell you how to grieve where we are right now, or where you are whenever you read this, in 2020 or far in the future. You must get alone with God and work that part out for yourself. But I can tell you that asking the question of how to grieve this is the start.


And we absolutely need to take some time to lament the sins of our godless nation, founded as a reaction to tyranny, as a place of refuge for an elite few, at the expense of so many lives for hundreds of years and for several generations. It held out a lot of hope for freedom, but like all nations, it has a long history of serious sin. We are no better than other places, and the realization comes when your government puts you in the position of wearing a helmet to protest injustice.


"Grieve, mourn, wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to grief. Humble yourselves under the almighty hand of the Lord, and in God's time, God will raise you up."

"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people."

These principles ring true. Americans can stop with the absurd notion they are in any way the chosen people, better than all the other nations of the world. Christians must grieve our American sin of supremacy and do the hard work of repentance. We all need to sit with grief right now.






Recommended Meditation:

Psalm 73 New Living Translation (NLT) A psalm of Asaph.

1 Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure.

2 But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.

3 For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.

4 They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong.

5 They don’t have troubles like other people; they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.

6 They wear pride like a jeweled necklace and clothe themselves with cruelty.

7 These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for!

8 They scoff and speak only evil; in their pride they seek to crush others.

9 They boast against the very heavens, and their words strut throughout the earth.

10 And so the people are dismayed and confused, drinking in all their words.

11 “What does God know?” they ask. “Does the Most High even know what’s happening?”

12 Look at these wicked people— enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply. 13 Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?

14 I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain. 15 If I had really spoken this way to others, I would have been a traitor to your people.

16 So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!

17 Then I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.

18 Truly, you put them on a slippery path and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.

19 In an instant they are destroyed, completely swept away by terrors.

20 When you arise, O Lord, you will laugh at their silly ideas as a person laughs at dreams in the morning. 21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.

22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.

26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. 27 Those who desert him will perish, for you destroy those who abandon you.

28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do. New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. 




6 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Σχόλια


bottom of page